I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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