And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
