Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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