there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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