Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What a dumb baby whore.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
