She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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