**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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