fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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