fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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