before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
