What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
