He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
