take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
