Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
