My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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