the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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