I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
