Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
