i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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