Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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