Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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