this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
