trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
