She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
