Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
