All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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