we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
