A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
