Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
