Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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