Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
