What did we do last night that was yellow?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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