I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
