I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
