im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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