I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You can't just leave with hair like that
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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