sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
