I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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