Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
