hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
