and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
