i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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