is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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