and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
