I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
