I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
