Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
