Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
