I got chris browned last night
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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