The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
