just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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